I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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