R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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