I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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