i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
