I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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