Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize