Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
