We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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