fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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