this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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