And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
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You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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