Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
