i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
