There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
