They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
