its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
