his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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