she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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