i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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