mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
When are your genitals available?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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