So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
