This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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