At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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