Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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