Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
