Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
