One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
