Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
