I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
