hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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