Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
