Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
