Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
