You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I forget how to act sober
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
