And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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