it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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