he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I love having hate sex.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
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Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
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Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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