your thong is hanging out like whoa
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Randomize