That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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