if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
