i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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