I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
