I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
