Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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