this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
