just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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