So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize