that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My ass is underappreciated
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
