hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
