just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
