You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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