I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
