i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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