I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
