where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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