Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
