Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
