Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
