The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
