you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
