ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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