wanna go halves on a baby?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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