Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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