Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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