I wannas sexs uuuuu
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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