Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
