Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
