yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
