Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
