just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
