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Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
