Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
