I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
