there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
