She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
