i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
