His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
