So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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