dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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