i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
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I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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