you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
