do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
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