Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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