didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize