what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I woke up under a house in Key West
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