We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
