Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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